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  • enough is enough

    i separated two to three years ago. divorced now from an un-diagnosed BPD waif.

    but my daughter has been subjected to parental alienation and hostile to me all this time.

    i have tried for two years to get through to her and stayed calm through the attack and betrayals and the duplicity.

    so i have now cut all contact with her.

    i no longer have a daughter i am done!

    she is a 20 yo woman and she can go her own way without me.

    i am done and moving on.
    train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose Yoda

    to thine own self be true!

  • #2
    Originally posted by AgainstAllOdds View Post
    i separated two to three years ago. divorced now from an un-diagnosed BPD waif.

    but my daughter has been subjected to parental alienation and hostile to me all this time.

    i have tried for two years to get through to her and stayed calm through the attack and betrayals and the duplicity.

    so i have now cut all contact with her.

    i no longer have a daughter i am done!

    she is a 20 yo woman and she can go her own way without me.

    i am done and moving on.
    Very sad outcome.
    I hope she comes around.

    M

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Manalysis View Post
      Very sad outcome.
      I hope she comes around.

      M

      I second that hope. Time has a way of putting things into perspective for people. Don't shut the door entirely just yet.
      FEMINISM is a HATE GROUP - Feminists are HATEFUL PEOPLE
      It's time to call it out for what it is.
      == REJECT FEMINISM. EMBRACE HUMANITY ==


      The World of Men - Men's Rights / MGTOW / Sites of Interest to Men
      http://forums.avoiceformen.com/showt...nterest-to-Men

      Comment


      • #4
        Ahem! I saw a lot in my 10 years giving advice to men. OP is correct. If she is 20 years old, and still hates your guts, she is not going to change in your lifetime.

        However, if she does, she can find you. Let it go! It is one thing to fight the best fight you can fight, but when everyone on the planet is against you, let it go. Move on with your life without her. if she ever changes, she can come and kiss your posterior region if she wants a relationship. it very rarely happens that way. For your mental health move on without her. Accept reality.

        Oh, and GTHO!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by polite_disagreement View Post
          However, if she does, she can find you. Let it go!
          It is one thing to fight the best fight you can fight, but when everyone on the planet is against you, let it go.
          Move on with your life without her. /.../ Accept reality.
          Agree. Sorry, mr. E, but I'm with p_d on this.
          If she should come, sometime, I'm sure the door will be open, but don't stand around holding it. Live on.

          Still, it's sad.
          And still I hope she will return from The Dark Side, both for the sake of AAO, and very much for her own sake, too.


          M

          Comment


          • #6
            Daughter is the victim of a BPD mother... and that is no small thing. However she also has to have some level of awareness of the mother's manipulations and has chosen to ignore it.

            Someone needs to model what a good relationship looks like... so go out there and figure out what that is for yourself.. and your daughter will either recognize that and seek you out or not recognize it... and in that case you have lost nothing that could be recovered.

            You married a BPD women, and fucked her, and had kids with her... so you need to figure out why you didn't see the signs or chose to ignore them or ignore the advice of people who should have warned you off. You cannot fix others, its hard enough to fix yourself.

            Fix your crossed wires... give agency to your Ex and kid.. but don't forget about your own agency. Once you accept your own agency, you give yourself the power to fix damage that others have done to you... you rob them of their ability to keep you damaged.

            My sympathy for your loses.. grieve.. know that its ok to be angry and grieve the loss.. then make a plan, listen to people who are smarter than you, and seek out joy.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by AgainstAllOdds View Post
              i separated two to three years ago. divorced now from an un-diagnosed BPD waif.

              but my daughter has been subjected to parental alienation and hostile to me all this time.

              i have tried for two years to get through to her and stayed calm through the attack and betrayals and the duplicity.

              so i have now cut all contact with her.

              i no longer have a daughter i am done!

              she is a 20 yo woman and she can go her own way without me.

              i am done and moving on.
              I am very sorry to hear this.
              My daughter is a rock in my life, I can't imagine the pain you went through.
              “No one is free who has not obtained the empire of himself. No man is free who cannot command himself.”
              ― Pythagoras

              Comment


              • #8
                All you can do is all you can do.

                You can't control outside of that.

                Unlock the door but keep the chain on, so she can open it a crack and call to you.

                And you can decide whether to let her in.

                In the meantime focus on taking care of yourself.

                Comment


                • #9
                  ive told every man i meet.

                  if you are a slave to the alimony
                  if you can hardly see your kids

                  you no longer have kids.
                  leave the country

                  its rare men get what malcolm got now a days.
                  Originally posted by MatrixTransform
                  where were you before you put yourself last?
                  Originally posted by TheNarrator
                  Everywhere I travel, tiny life. Single-serving sugar, single-serving cream, single pat of butter. The microwave Cordon Bleu hobby kit. Shampoo-conditioner combos, sample-packaged mouthwash, tiny bars of soap. The people I meet on each flight? They're single-serving friends.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by polite_disagreement View Post
                    Ahem! I saw a lot in my 10 years giving advice to men. OP is correct. If she is 20 years old, and still hates your guts, she is not going to change in your lifetime.

                    However, if she does, she can find you. Let it go! It is one thing to fight the best fight you can fight, but when everyone on the planet is against you, let it go. Move on with your life without her. if she ever changes, she can come and kiss your posterior region if she wants a relationship. it very rarely happens that way. For your mental health move on without her. Accept reality.

                    Oh, and GTHO!
                    PD is right, i am moving on with my life. my friends daughters think i am wonderful as a farther figure and come to me for advice and i reconciled one with her farther after a strained relationship because she was groomed as a child. i know i was a wonderful husband but it has taken two years of intense therapy to see that. i have tried for so long with my daughter but the abuse has to stop. i have tried to be there and the poison has just destroyed everything.
                    train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose Yoda

                    to thine own self be true!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Manalysis View Post
                      Agree. Sorry, mr. E, but I'm with p_d on this.
                      If she should come, sometime, I'm sure the door will be open, but don't stand around holding it. Live on.

                      Still, it's sad.
                      And still I hope she will return from The Dark Side, both for the sake of AAO, and very much for her own sake, too.


                      M
                      exactly thx
                      train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose Yoda

                      to thine own self be true!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Iggy View Post
                        Daughter is the victim of a BPD mother... and that is no small thing. However she also has to have some level of awareness of the mother's manipulations and has chosen to ignore it.

                        Someone needs to model what a good relationship looks like... so go out there and figure out what that is for yourself.. and your daughter will either recognize that and seek you out or not recognize it... and in that case you have lost nothing that could be recovered.

                        You married a BPD women, and fucked her, and had kids with her... so you need to figure out why you didn't see the signs or chose to ignore them or ignore the advice of people who should have warned you off. You cannot fix others, its hard enough to fix yourself.

                        Fix your crossed wires... give agency to your Ex and kid.. but don't forget about your own agency. Once you accept your own agency, you give yourself the power to fix damage that others have done to you... you rob them of their ability to keep you damaged.

                        My sympathy for your loses.. grieve.. know that its ok to be angry and grieve the loss.. then make a plan, listen to people who are smarter than you, and seek out joy.
                        thx thats exactly what i am doing two years into intense therapy and no one warned me off, but when it blew up her family advised me to leave her and i took their advice. her mum said i dont have a daughter i have a son. which was really shocking.
                        train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose Yoda

                        to thine own self be true!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by TheNarrator View Post
                          ive told every man i meet.

                          if you are a slave to the alimony
                          if you can hardly see your kids

                          you no longer have kids.
                          leave the country

                          its rare men get what malcolm got now a days.
                          thx bud thats exactly what i did i left canada and started a new life.

                          the divorce is agreed and over however she is dragging her feet on signing my house over to me.

                          the fear of abandonment is trying to keep me in the game.

                          i am so close to being free
                          train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose Yoda

                          to thine own self be true!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Exactly so. To keep on trying without a chance of success is harming you, if I Understand your words.

                            I am adamant on this. Make no effort all towards her. The chances that in your lifetime she will change her views are small. If she does, she can find you; she can stand at your locked door; crying and begging to be let in, until you hear her. Not your job any more.

                            Those who think you have some obligation towards an adult offspring who has treated you like s**t have not suicide counseled hundreds of divorced men and are following untested theories of their own creation.

                            Forget about her. Anything else is destroying you. It's not your job any more. She does not exist for you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by polite_disagreement View Post
                              Exactly so. To keep on trying without a chance of success is harming you, if I Understand your words.

                              I am adamant on this. Make no effort all towards her. The chances that in your lifetime she will change her views are small. If she does, she can find you; she can stand at your locked door; crying and begging to be let in, until you hear her. Not your job any more.

                              Those who think you have some obligation towards an adult offspring who has treated you like s**t have not suicide counseled hundreds of divorced men and are following untested theories of their own creation.

                              Forget about her. Anything else is destroying you. It's not your job any more. She does not exist for you.
                              i wish you were wrong, but i know you are right. exactly what i am doing. thx bud. very validating.
                              train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose Yoda

                              to thine own self be true!

                              Comment

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