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A Gentleman’s Guide to the #MeToo Era

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  • simpleman
    started a topic A Gentleman’s Guide to the #MeToo Era

    A Gentleman’s Guide to the #MeToo Era

    So while women are making all sort of claims and allegations against men, no questions asked no evidence provided... just destroying lives and careers left and right... this bizarre article is going to teach us how to be a traditional gentleman in such toxic environment...

    For people that don't want to read the whole thing... this is the core of how to be a gentleman in the #MeToo era:

    Crews reminds us all, men and women alike, to do two things. In the era of #MeToo, we must get in the habit of listening to women. We must believe women. Always. As a matter of habit. Will there be exceptions to the rule? Absolutely. But this is the new rule: listen to women. Essentially, men need to re-dedicate themselves to respecting women as our equals, our partners.

    There are few things more dangerous than a man whose confusion leads to fear, which ultimately leads to anger. Right now many men are confused. Some are downright scared. Many believe that women wield a new form of power. Some of these same men accuse women of conducting a witch hunt. They claim they must contend with life-altering misinterpretations and career-ruining false allegations. They’re scared of this new power they believe women will leverage against them. Even Superman’s afraid, if you can believe it.
    I can think of a lot of things more dangerous than that... about all of them start with a woman...

    You know things are bad when the Man of Steel quivers.
    I would not be surprised if there is women out there actually claiming that superman abused them...

    Recently, actor Henry Cavill misspoke in an interview with GQ Australia intended to promote his new movie Mission Impossible: — Fallout. His words lit a firestorm of controversy related to the #MeToo Movement. Asked about his thoughts on the movement, Cavill said:

    There’s something wonderful about a man chasing a woman. There’s a traditional approach to that, which is nice. I think a woman should be wooed and chased, but maybe I’m old-fashioned for thinking that.

    Reading that I can just feel a disturbance in the force... millions of 3th wave feminists screaming in anger...

    That’s not a bad sentiment. If anything, it’s a perfectly harmless throwback expression of masculinity. But then the Superman actor went on to add:

    It’s very difficult to do that if there are certain rules in place. Because then it’s like: ‘Well, I don’t want to go up and talk to her, because I’m going to be called a rapist or something’. So you’re like, ‘Forget it, I’m going to call an ex-girlfriend instead, and then just go back to a relationship, which never really worked’. But it’s way safer than casting myself into the fires of hell, because I’m someone in the public eye, and if I go and flirt with someone, then who knows what’s going to happen?
    If he goes for 1 less crazy girlfriend, he will be MGTOW...

    Whoa, Henry, hold your imaginary horses.
    I remember the times when I decided to go MGTOW... it was a lot more harder back in those days... because you had to research the family court laws and the way they conducting the divorces... the alimony... all that stuff... then we had all those big debates... some guys went for saying that the problem was with marriage, no with women, and so you can still have a girlfriend just don't married her... and so on... other guys would have argue that this mess up laws where limited by the jurisdiction they cover, so moving around to other place might works out... guys even going spat... it was a complex debate with a lot of research, to present a somewhat compelling case on why a guy might want to go MGTOW...

    Today it is more easy for a guy to go MGTOW... no research on family courts, no debates on going PUA instead, no country to scape... it is all more clear now... all you have to do is basically say "Look what is goign on with #MeToo"... and that is it... that is all the argument you need to present for going MGTOW, and people immediately will understand what you mean, maybe they disagree with MGTOW in some level, but most likely they will disagree with #MeToo in some other levels...

    But what is so wrong with Cavill’s statements? After all, many men these days feel exactly the same way.
    Ah yeah... that... lest see what the have to say about this...

    The better question to ask is this: Why is Superman afraid of being called a rapist? Are false sexual assault allegations the new kryptonite? Not exactly.
    It is not superman.. it actually is a successful actor, with money and good looks... and all this is important... because he is in the top of the greek alphabet classes... so if a top Alpha guy is walking out... what is left for every other guy out there?

    How many of us can claim to be better than him? how many of us can pretend we can success in something that he claims he will fail and die?... that is... the dating game... LOL

    This comic book metaphor is a wholly incorrect (and adolescent) way of looking at our modern moment. First, women aren’t wielding any new power. We haven’t eradicated abuse, harassment, and rape. The only change is that the world is finally, rightfully, listening to women, and holding their abusers, harassers, and rapists accountable. That’s huge. That’s good. We want more of that.
    And what happens if women... kinda... lie about it?

    Those who claim the #MeToo Movement has gone too far, that it’s morphed into a witch hunt, are focusing on the wrong aspects of sexual abuse. The #MeToo Movement has one simple aim: Make the world safer for women by ensuring women are free from sexual harassment, abuse, assault, and rape. This goal can’t go “too far.”
    That goal can easily go too far... because the way to archive it is to anhilitale all males, hence reducing the risk of harassment to zero... right?

    Yet some men, and even some women, think it already has, or will. Although the hashtag originally conceived by Tarana Burke came about more than ten years ago, the recent heat and light generated by the #MeToo conversation in our culture is not even a year old, yet they already want to discuss the hypothetical dangers for men. Instead, we need to focus on how #MeToo brings justice to victims of abuse, harassment, assault, and rape. To stop future abuse.
    2 notes there:

    1. the dangers for men are not hypothetical they are very real... we are seeing it.
    2. #MeToo is actually anti justice.. it is the claim that the justice system does not work as you want to, so you will get your "justice" by other means...

    After some reflection, Henry Cavill seems to have realized this truth. Or at least his handlers and PR people urged him to see the error in his statements. He was quick to apologize.
    They give a link to the apologize words... in there there is this:

    "Never would I intend to disrespect in any way, shape or form. This experience has taught me a valuable lesson as to the context and the nuance of editorial liberties. I look forward to clarifying my position in the future toward a subject that is so vitally important and in which I wholeheartedly support."

    To me what this says translate to this: "I made the mistake to give my honest opinion on the topic, I though that open conversation was welcome, but now I see I was an idiot for that, so from now on I will keep my opinions to myself and never talk about any of this again, so no talking to you in the bar no talking to you anywhere else, lesson learned".

    But let’s not pick on Cavill, who genuinely seems like a decent and old-fashioned guy (at least according to his self-assessment). He is by no means alone in fearing and criticizing the #MeToo Movement. Fellow action stars Matt Damon and Liam Neeson have both made clumsy statements that were met with condemnation. Damon, who often expresses himself in ham-fisted ways, blundered into a self-made controversy back in December. In January, Neeson called the #MeToo Movement “something of a witch hunt.”
    So they all go from expressing their fears about #MeToo to... fearing to express their fears... I call that progress... LOL

    But it’s not just men who’ve criticized #MeToo as a witch hunt, Damon and Neeson were soon followed by French actress Catherine Deneuve, who said the exact same thing. She also quickly apologized and walked back her remarks after experiencing a backlash.
    That sure showed her to keep her mouth shut about the witch hunt...

    You know who also labelled the #MeToo Movement a witch hunt?
    Some other idiot that made the mistake to say what he thinks?

    Bill Cosby’s lawyers. If you’re on the same side of an argument as Bill Cosby’s lawyers, that alone should tell you something.
    And on top of that the guy also got divorce raped...

    So... is there coming any advise on how to be a gentleman? cause this male batching is getting too long and there is guys there wanting to be gentlemens in the age of #MeToo...

    Bill Cosby’s lawyers. If you’re on the same side of an argument as Bill Cosby’s lawyers, that alone should tell you something.

    I love that this conversation is finally happening.
    I was ahead of the curve on this and took a ton of bullets for telling the truth. Men are becoming scared to speak to women bc definitions have been blurred.
    Another idiot that though that there was a conversation... LOL

    I love that this conversation is finally happening.
    I was ahead of the curve on this and took a ton of bullets for telling the truth. Men are becoming scared to speak to women bc definitions have been blurred.

    I remember making comments about relationships between men and women that were very similar to what Henry Cavill said— and my wife called me out every time.

    What changed is once I stopped trying 2 justify my intentions and actually started listening - it became painfully clear
    Ah yeah the good old listen to women... only to women and nobody else... this must be the template for gentleman we are looking for...

    Do you see how it became crystal clear to Crews? He stopped focusing on himself, and instead, he started to focus on the countless victims of sex crimes.
    Claimed victims?

    Crews reminds us all, men and women alike, to do two things. In the era of #MeToo, we must get in the habit of listening to women. We must believe women. Always. As a matter of habit. Will there be exceptions to the rule? Absolutely. But this is the new rule: listen to women. Essentially, men need to re-dedicate themselves to respecting women as our equals, our partners.

    You always want to believe your partner. That’s a vital trust.
    Who I should believe if I don't have any partner?

    Additionally, thanks to his powerful confession of being sexually assaulted, Terry Crews widened the whole cultural discussion by pointing out that not all victims of sexual abuse are women. So, the larger message he offers is: Believe victims. Always.
    Men actually tried to talk about their experiences by using the #MeToo hashtag, and they where soon told that this hashtag is for women only.

    Here’s the thing, guys. You have nothing to worry about…if you don’t commit any sex crimes. Pretty simple, right? You may be thinking: But the boundaries are shifting. How do I know what I can do anymore, like, when can I touch a woman in public? What if I take a picture with her and suddenly my hand–
    Ahh the good old.. if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear... LOL

    I’ll stop you right there. Don’t be that guy. Don’t come up with wild-ass hypotheticals. Last week, video game developer Mark Kern attracted an online backlash after he tweeted something intending to highlight the difficult position modern men are in when it comes to approaching women:

    Guys, first moves are over. Women, it's all you now. You have to call us, send us gifts, do all the asking out and paying for dinner, make the first move, and provide consent paperwork in triplicate for the goodnight kiss. We quit.
    Sounds like another guy goy going MGTOW...

    Oh lord... I just realize I am halfway through this article.. time to start skipping up all the endless men bashing and just move to the wathever point is there about being a gentlemen...

    Satire or not, Kern overlooks a huge loophole in his knee-jerk logic. If men who are sexually interested in women are “not mind readers,” then how did we get along before? Did Kern and, by extension, all straight men, just sort of blunder forward and hope for the best? What happened if they were wrong? If it turned out that their “first move” was uninvited sexual contact, are we supposed to blame the woman for not giving clear signals? Was it her fault that a man tried to kiss her?
    Yes that is exactly how it was before.. and as you keep blundering forwards you start to learn what is good and what is bad... so eventually guys got good at it... but now you can't have that... first mistake and guy is dead... so who is goign to risk it?

    I am not making an argument for having some room for guys to make mistakes... I am just pointing out that mistakes cost a lot more now than before so there will be less guys willing to take the risk... that is how it works... you can't have it both ways.

    But as long as men are excused for their confusion, sex crimes are likely to continue.
    Then punish all the confusions in the most hurtful way... that is fine with me... just don't go around playing it down and claiming that guys should still try to go for it as if nothing..

    So let’s clear up any confusion. Look, guys. I promise you can make the first move without any worry of being a sexual abuser or having to go pillar-to-post and say “it’s all up to women” now so that you feel safe. That’s far too simplistic. We’re better than that.
    That is way too simplistic... it does not work, and just because you said so it does not make anyone feel safe..

    No, you don’t have to be a mind reader. You don’t even always need to stop and ask, “Can I kiss you?” But if you feel unsure, perhaps you should. A question removes all confusion. It’s far better than pressing on into dangerous uncertainty. Asking “Can I kiss you?” protects both parties in that fraught moment.
    THat is BS.. there is already of plenty of documented cases out there where she say yes.. and then 10 years latter she claim she say yes because she was afraid of what can happen if she said no... and then the "yes" worth shit... asking a consent question is not good enough, it does not work. As of this point nothing works, nothing is good enough.. nobody have figure out how to get a "yes" out of a woman that she can't withdraw in the future...

    This ain’t the mythical Fifties. Women don’t need to maintain their virtue. In case you missed it, women are definitely lusty sexual creatures. They want to get their freak on, too. Trust. But they only want to do it with men they feel comfortable with, men they’re attracted to, men they invite into their physical space.
    I have a better idea... women work their lust with dildos and men work their lust with his hand... that is a simple and practical solution to this whole mess..

    When it comes to sexual interactions with a woman, comfort is key. And it should always be part of your sexual protocol. If she’s not comfortable alone with you, then she definitely doesn’t want you on or in her body. A woman’s comfort is the first step of seduction. You cannot skip past that.
    What about making it comfortable for men too?

    Also, you should never try to cajole or beg or coax or coerce or guilt or leverage with power or contractual obligations, whether explicit or implied, a woman into giving you sexual attention or repaying your kindness or loyalty with sexual favors. Don’t ever be that guy. He’s a punk-ass. He’s an abuser. Even if “it’s all legal.”
    Nice way to describe the process of courtship. So that is another thing out of the table.

    If you’re looking for guaranteed sexual interaction, hire a sex worker. That’s their job.
    It is goign so crazy that now prostitutes are suing and making allegations against former customers... this option is also out of the table.

    Show respect for everyone. This includes your potential sexual partners. But how can you show respect for women in the era of #MeToo and still act in a sexualized manner without being labelled an abuser, a harasser, or a rapist?
    You can't.

    A gentleman should always ask a woman if his presence is welcome.

    Example: “Is anyone sitting here? Would you mind if I joined you?”
    I much rather eat standing up.

    Definitely never initiate physical contact with a woman first. Always allow her to be the first to do so.

    Example: When at a bar (or other social space where flirtation is expected), do not touch a woman until she’s first touched you. Sounds kinda Victorian, right? It’s not. Touch is intimate. It’s a means of flirting. If she likes you, she will let you know, likely with a playful touch. Let her initiate that game.
    If it was equals... then she should no be touching him either... LOL.

    Learn to gracefully take “No” as answer, without acting like a colossal ass. And never insult her for saying “No.” It’s always her right to do so.

    Example: If you approach a woman in a public space and she blows you off, just wish her a good day and walk on…like a gentleman.
    This article is based on the premise of men saying not to women... then the advice is that men should take the no with grace... the mind boggling...

    Well this rubbish keep going on and on... I goign to stop here.